Monday, June 29, 2009
Confessions 101
by Shaun K.
Dedicated to the one person I'm lucky to have known.
Being with you has never been easy,
For you were cold like ice to me,
Your actions caused a chasm within me; always filled with doubt,
Always filled with questions,
Am I not doing enough?
I took the blame when you said I was being cold to you,
But you were the one drifting away
on that perilous Sea of Drifting Apart,
How could I not be depressed?
How could I not be wondering?
How could I not be...angry?
I kept my feelings inside; for I was always to hurt you my angel
sent from above,
Cold your actions may be but truly you are the best
thing that has ever happened to me,
But I was stupid; bloody stupid,
Looking back,
I couldn't believe the fool I was,
I never meant to say that I
don't love you anymore,
If I could make you understand the emotions
within me; would you forgive me
for saying those accursed words?
Anger condemned me,
Regrets haunted me to this day,
I bleed more than you could ever imagine; bleeding
for my fool's mistakes,
Bleeding for letting you go without
fighting till the very end to make you stay,
Tears of blood I cried; you'll never see or know,
A thousand apologies I wish to say to you,
But will it ever heal the rift that I've caused?
Will it ever bring us back to where
we've been before; where love was intense and sweet,
You've move on; my human eyes could see that,
It tears me apart to know you've move on,
Never once did I blame you for that; never...
If you ever habour any hatred for me,
I will never ever back away from it,
For I will accept it face on,
One thing's for sure,
You'll never know how much it
hurts me to say I don't love you anymore...
I loved you,
With all my heart,
And that's true,
Stuck on you; ditto that,
It has never change,
My love for you could only
grow stronger; never once weaker,
Tell me, how could I let go of a
wonderful person like you?
I gave you all of me,
For I believe you deserved
to be love deeply and be
appreciated for the wonderful person you are,
2 years; 24 months of unsaid words,
730 days of missing you miserably,
Seconds after seconds,
Minutes after minutes,
I pray fervently for a chance
to make things right again,
Will you ever come back?
It runs in my head over and over again,
But you and I both know the answer; No
I could live with that; could I?
Your smile is enough to melt the
ice within me,
Your eyes are beyond mesmerizing,
I could look into them forever; over and over,
Drowning in the love we once shared,
I'm stuck in the past; replaying the time
you smiled at me when you said 'Yes',
God, how I missed it so much,
I never regretted the one year of pain and hurt
I had to endured to make you mine,
2 months or so is short,
Some might say,
But it was the best 2 months of my life,
Of finally being able to be with the
one I loved with all my heart, my being,
Friends are what we could be now,
All of my willpower is what it takes
to be holding back these feelings when you
are around,
It sucks tenfold when you had already moved on
while I'm still stuck here with my profound
love for you,
Move on; those are the advices they gave me,
I tried, tried and TRIED!
In the end, it all came back to you,
No one but you, baby girl.
I guess I'll always be watching from the side lines; finding for ways to move on, to let go.
How many years will it take me I wonder?
How long more must I cry these tears before you return or before I could let go and get on with my life?
Life bites, so deal with it.
9:10 AM
