SO, I'm back to square one. Stuck and never moving forward. How many times did I said that I will move on and embrace come what may? The fact remains, the feelings that I always kept buried remains there. Not gone as I wish it be but there, arising slowly from the walls that contained it. Seeping out into my very being. Love, pain, anger and most of all JEALOUSY seeks to condemn me to be cold towards you all the time. You might read this and shake your head; curse all you want about my inability to move on and my damnable feelings, my damnable lies that are suppose to rot in hell; ignore me till the very end. Truth is, I couldn't stand bottling everything up and then explode and you're at the receiving end of it. I never enjoyed being cold towards you, trust me. I never meant to but jealousy is something I have no control over. Yes, I'm being jealous over the wrong things but I'm only a human. What could I possibly do? Move on? Hah, 2 years was an awful long time for me to do that and look where I am today. Still stuck on the same spot. Anger and jealousy only seek to destroy me.
Maybe, I hadn't realize that my infatuation over you has turn to a disease that I have no cure for. Maybe, I never really want to move on? Maybe it's cause that's something special about you that no one else seems to have? Damn, you ARE special. You might not know it but those that truly loved you will know. You do have that certain way to brighten up someone's day just with words alone. *smiles* And your charisma and smiles, damn it's just so hard not to be addicted to it. And your eyes...shiiittttt, totally mesmerizing. And and, your vulnerability totally got me head over heels. Of all things, your vulnerability. *rolls eyes* But because of that, it made me love you even more coz I don't ever want you to feel the things that you aren't suppose to feel; only unconditional love. I really want to thank you for giving me the chance to love you the way you deserve and letting me appreciate how special a person you are. =D Though it wasn't for long but still, it was kinda worth the wait. Hmm.
Ahhhh damn damn damn! From an emo post to gloating over you. I don't blame you for the geli-ness or the awkwardness that will come upon reading this. Shit shit shit shit shit shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.... Get a grip on reality Shauni! *shakes head vigorously* Slap me please, maybe it might make me feel better.
Damn, I can't believe that I wrote this here. I never want you to know but at the same time, I want you to know too. AAARGH!! I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I've been apologizing and then doing the same thing all over again. I'm trying to repent but I really meant all those apologies. Forgive me for writing all these crap but it's necessary for me to feel better. I'm not gonna take your feelings into consideration for this is about making me feel better.
How do I get close When she looks like an angel A moment of her time just seems impossible to me It’s hard to find the words, to get to know this stranger I’m scared of what she’ll say if what I say sounds incomplete And it feels like we belong together Can someone tell me where do I start
Cuz, I can’t keep on feelin’ the way I do I can’t keep on, hiding my heart from you I got to say something before Someone else comes through, I can’t keep on loving you, From a distance
She’s always on my mind, there’s no room left for thinking I’m tired of waiting slowly fading at least I’m happy now Cuz I’m running out of time, and I feel this ship is sinking The doors are closing I am frozen I need her around
And it feels like we belong together Can someone tell me where do I start
Cuz, I can’t keep on feelin’ the way I do And I can’t keep on, hiding my heart from you I got to say something before Someone else comes through, I can’t keep on loving you, From a distance From a distance From a distance From a distance
I can’t hide I can’t keep on feelin’ the way I do And I can’t keep on, hiding my heart from you I got to say something before Someone else comes through, Cuz I can’t keep on loving you, I can’t keep on loving you from a distance.
- Elliot Yamin - Can't Keep Loving You (From a Distance)
I seriously gotta purge my brains and heart. Damn, I'm the shittiest person on Earth now.
xX Shaun.
Life bites, so deal with it.
8:29 AM
The Greatness
Shauni K.
Music obsessed. What else can I say?
Likes
[♥] Life
[♥] Music
[♥] Doodling
[♥] Guitars
[♥] The Beach
